I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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