this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
