The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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