You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
