so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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