Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
