If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
