I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
