We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Ketchup is God's man juice
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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