So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
