so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
