when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
