So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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