so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
