I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
did i walk over a car last night?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
