It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
