my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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