yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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