are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
