ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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