did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
