Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
