thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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