Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
