Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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