i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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