conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
