This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
