So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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