I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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