I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
