First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
