Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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