It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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