TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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