Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
