I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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