and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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