Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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