She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
