in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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