Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
