I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
