Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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