Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
