I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
