i permit you to call me
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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