I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
