we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
