Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
