my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
