guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize