Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
