i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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