Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
