How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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