first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
