I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
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before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
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you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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