now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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