Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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