So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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