I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Drunk is not a location!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
