my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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