I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
