my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
