Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
