i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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