you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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