How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
you made out with another girl for some wings
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
