when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
