when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Randomize