you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
