Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
