Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
