I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
