after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
