woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
