If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
