I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
