Yo dont text me then not text me
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
