I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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