Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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