Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
