I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Randomize
