suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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