Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
