My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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