I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
