she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
