i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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