im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
