I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
