Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
