did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
