I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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