Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
