its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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