Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
