And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
