Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
